Wednesday, July 14, 2010

That's It

My intuition has been right all along. When I came back from the holiday, I have noticed a slight changes in attitude and cold shoulder my boss had given to me.

The last straw was this morning. What happened was, last Monday I had met with an accident on my way back home, and as the accidednt was bad enough, I have went to hospital the first thing when insisted by Momo, and subsequently made a police report. Only by 11pm we managed to leave the police station compound. Before going to the hospital, I have made a call to my boss who where waiting for us yesterday in Kulim that I may not be able to join them. Without asking how bad the accident and how I was doing, he coldly said that he did not asked me to drive but I'll be following my colleagues. He was implying that it was not an excuse, that I could make arrangement to go for the meeting, which was in the afternoon.

Well, I am not in a way asking for symphaty from him. I know how important is the meeting for our organisation, and understand why he wanted me to be involved as a key person in the team. But call it bad luck. The accident was never my intention. He did not understand why I had to make the hospital visit and why I could not make the police report and the insurance claim on the same night. But as much as he think that I am exaggerating the situation and I did not put the right priority, I rather loose the job than loosing the baby. He did not know that I have to send my car to our own workshop and the insurance claim had to be done the next day since it was already 11pm (eventhough he himself aware that the time frame for the claim is 24hours). I'm suspecting that he had expected that my husband could have taken care of the problem for me, but did not remember that I had to be there to sign the claim form myself, and why should I dragged my husband into the picture? Why was he supposed to sacrifice his time away from his job at our company's expense?

So this morning, I quietly told him that there is another trip to go to Batu Pahat tomorow. He does not seems to care when I told him I do not have a car to go (the truth was Momo's car was not in a good condition to travel long distance, and again I think that it should not be at his expense too), but he just want to know that things are settled without him having to give any solution. I was so sad that since previously we have discussed that due to my pregnancy also I am not fit to travel long distance by myself, he does not seems to bother assigning anybody else to go.

So, I called Momo, and told him, I could not take it anymore. I gave my resignation letter, and had a heated discussion with my boss. And to my surprise, he had thought about it since the day that I left for the long sick leave, that I actually could not cope, it made me fall sick due to the stress and felt that I am trying to 'run away' from problems. It made me sad that he did not realized the extend of my situation at all, that it even crossed my mind many times to end my pregnancy because I was never that sick in my whole life. When he kept telling me that never to think he does not understand my situation because he himself has 5 kids and gone through all that, I decided that the discussion will not benefit anybody. Anyway, since he is more or less accepted my resignation, I waste no more time and mentioned about the notice period and my intention to deliver in Kuching, which falls within my notice period.

So folks, I'll be soon out of job. I am not that happy to leave, but again I do not feel comfortable any longer. I know that based on my annual bonus, they appreciate my contribution to the company very much. But when I fall sick, this is what had happened to me.. true what people said.. never fall in love with a company, because the company will not love you back if anything happened to you..

Monday, July 5, 2010

Week 23 - Blues

Feel a little bit down since last night. I am furious with myself that I do not know how to say it out. I thought I am so good at expressing myself in a straightforward manner. Yet since i know the topic is very sensitive I tried to talk in a diplomatic way but I just couldn't.

I carried my mood to my workplace. It's Monday, I am late as usual and I have nothing to smile about. Even thinking of all my clothes that does not fit me anymore makes me unhappy. I have been home late way after midnight, including outstation travels which requires me to drive for 4 hours one way, and walkabout a huge dangerous site all by myself. I felt I am expected of too much at work even in my current condition. I am frustrated too that I could not find a proper way how to discuss this with my superior to be more understanding. Futhermore, I could not afford to fall sick at all this year since I have exhausted all my MCs. If only I can just resign, but I still have 3 months to go till the start of my maternity leave.

Momo called me a while ago telling me he did not get the job from the interview he went to 2 weeks ago. I could sense from his voice that he is a bit down too, and yet I did not say anything to lift up his spirit and be a suppportive wife. I know normally I do that, but today I just feel I couldn't, and I felt bad about it.

Maybe today is just one of those pregnancy blues day..